Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased