i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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