Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.