he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm at about main and main street
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
