Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
this will be a night to untag.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.