I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You should frame my arrest warrant.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science