I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
