that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
