i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
