I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
