My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
