i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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