We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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