Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
