i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
