The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
