I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
