dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
