you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
