I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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