I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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