Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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