I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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