Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm like, not good at living.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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