There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
