hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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