If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
