Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
