i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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