I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
