Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
