Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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