I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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