trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
