That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
