Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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