wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
