I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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