So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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