just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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