Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
