Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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