Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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