Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
