All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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