i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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