Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
