Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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