The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
