i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
