Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.