My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.