i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
