I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize