it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
