I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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