He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
