I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
