I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize