So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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