I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
