How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
