Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
