Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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