just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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