he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
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No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
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Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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