Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
