At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
