you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
