Got a toothbrush?
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
