no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
