I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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